Harper & Jasper: Jasper's Birth Story & Day 1

Why I'm a year late with the birth story: Jasper's birth and subsequent NICU stay was very, very difficult for me. I was so overwhelmed with what was happening, that I did not do a good job at posting pictures or keeping the blog updated. I barely even kept facebook updated because it just all seemed too devastating and difficult. About a month after we brought him home, I started writing everything down. I wanted to capture the days after his birth as best as I could, and I knew I had to do it while it was still fresh. Jon helped me with a lot of the details, since a lot of the medical information was fuzzy. I had intended on posting it right away and wanted to include some pictures to accompany the stories. However every time I tried to sit down and get it done, it just wouldn't happen. It was too overwhelming, and I was enjoying having him home and healthy, that I don't think I wanted to go back there.

I've had it in my mind that I wanted to post the stories for his first birthday. It's such a milestone event anyway, and I think it's an appropriate time for me to share. The plan is to share the first several days of his birth one at a time. Whether this results in one post a day or two or three, I don't know. But it will get done!!

Here is our birth story and account of Day 1 in the NICU

I was admitted to the hospital on Monday night, March 8, knowing I would be delivering Tuesday at 3pm. Just my luck, there was some work being done on the hospital's computer system, and no one was allowed to schedule anything before noon. Since the surgeries that would have normally been first thing in the morning were now scheduled at noon, it meant I was pushed back all the way until 3pm. I was not excited to be having to wait so long for my surgery, especially since it meant I couldn't eat after midnight. My night nurse was great and brought me a midnight snack, and my morning nurse even checked with my anesthesiologist first thing in the morning to see if he would allow me a small breakfast. But nope, I was restricted to.... well, nothing! Not even water. hmph. Though I cursed him under my breath, it turned out to be a huge blessing as I ended up getting a 10:30am slot unexpectedly! Turns out the work on the computers was done much earlier than expected, and my nurse called down to my doctor to see if he wanted to squeeze me in. Thankfully everyone was available to be there, so 10:30 it was! I got the green light mainly because I hadn't eaten since midnight - so thank goodness for strict (mean) anesthesiologists! Daddy was already on his way to the hospital with Harper for a visit before dropping her off at Nana and Papa's house where she would be staying for her very first sleepover with them, so I got a quick kiss before saying goodbye to her. Nana came and picked her up so Jon could stay with me. I had already had a quick shower and was instructed to get into my gown. It was really happening!

The prep for surgery is always the worst. Laying there on the bed in that freezing operating room, I was really nervous about the spinal block. The (mean) anesthesiologist had me sitting up and hunching way over so he could put the needle in my back, but Jasper kept kicking me really hard as if to say "stop squishing me Mom!". It made me flinch several times -- not a good thing to do when someone has a giant needle in your spine! We all had a good chuckle, and everything went really well. My doctor came in shortly after, and I remember all kinds of questions being thrown about, and silly conversations all the people have. I was asked multiple times if we were banking cord blood (no) and if I was having a tubal (no). I then remember my doctor saying "test pinch done - good" and my (mean) anesthesiologist leaned in to tell me that my doctor had just pinched me really hard to make sure I was numb. The fact that I didn't feel it was a good sign. Right after that, Jon came in and I smelled a burning smell. I also asked Jon if they had started and he replied "oh yeah" as if to say they were well under way. I didn't feel nearly as much pulling and tugging this time as I did with Harper, and everything seemed to be in really slow motion this time as well. Right after they pulled him out, Jon was taking pictures and I told him to go with Jasper to see him get cleaned up. I have no idea where my (mean) anesthesiologist went, but I had the sudden urge to vomit. I tried not to think about it, and he thankfully returned shortly after, and I asked for a bag. It wasn't until later that I laughed to myself thinking he probably didn't believe me when I told him I hadn't had anything to eat since midnight. But the fact that I had nothing to throw up was my proof that I had followed the rules. I just felt very, very queasy.

I heard some rumblings about Jasper, but no one seemed overly concerned. He was breathing hard and making a grunting noise, so they told me they were calling in a NICU nurse to check him out. He had a strong cry and looked great. I wasn't worried, so I was making conversation with my doctor (when I wasn't trying to vomit) about if they had discovered any endometriosis this time. The verdict was no, and that made me thankful. He was very happy with how the surgery had gone, and everything seemed great. We said our goodbyes and I was wheeled to recovery. As with Harper, I was incredibly sleepy. "They" say there is nothing in the medication that is supposed to make you sleepy, but I had an overwhelming feeling to sleep just like last time. I was also incredibly itchy, mainly on my face, which is an expected side effect. At least this time I was prepared and hadn't put any makeup on.

In recovery, I was chatting with Jon and my nurse, making small talk about this and that, mostly talking about how tired I was, and trying to sound lucid while I spoke to my mom and friends. For the record, I don't really remember these conversations. :) We were visited by the NICU doctor on duty that week, and it truly didn't sink in yet how serious things might be. His labored breathing was not improving, and the grunting was still there. The words "we've admitted him" flew right out of his mouth like they were nothing, and I didn't have a chance to process it. Wait, what?? This was NOT the way things were supposed to go. I asked him questions about the things I knew, like if he was going to have the lung medicine given to him they had talked about Harper once possibly needing - he didn't need it yet, and Harper never needed it. But mainly they were going to leave him on the nasal canula to try to allow him to get his breathing stabilized, and they were ordering a chest x-ray.

Before I knew it, I was being wheeled in to the NICU to visit. This was a trip I remembered well and one that I definitely didn't want to be traveling again. I remembered the hallways, and the back door entrance they use so the hospital beds can get in with ease. My heart sank as we entered in. I didn't want to be here.

I was really still out of it and didn't talk much. My head was spinning, literally and figuratively, and I truly just wanted to get to my room, sleep, and hope it was all a bad dream. I had so envisioned that this birth was going to be different than the last, and that our experience would be a total 180 from when Harper was born. I couldn't believe it looked like we were going down the same road. We took a few pictures, and stayed for about 10 minutes, then said our goodbyes to let him rest. They were still working on him and it's difficult to not be in the way with the ginormous hospital bed wheeled in there.

When I got back to my room, I tried to get some rest. I was really hungry and thirsty, and obviously still very numb. Though I was terribly nauseous still, I tried to eat some jello and drink a bit of water. It didn't stay down long and I ended up getting sick 3 times that day. Funny the things I remember, even though I was so completely tired. Jon was in and out, visiting Jasper a lot, hanging out with me. I never ended up sleeping much. All the days happenings were filling my head and I was trying to wrap my brain around everything.

Once I had total feeling back in my legs, I got out of bed and was wheeled to the NICU to visit Jasper. In the NICU, babies are always given the best chance to do things on their own before they intervene. Most often times babies are rushed there with breathing problems, so frequently they are able to overcome the minor hurdles on their own. Jasper was put on a nasal canula to push some extra oxygen in hopes that he just needed to clear out his lungs, and receive a little extra assistance. His breathing was very labored, and he had an IV in his arm in order give him fluid and had a feeding tube, which wasn't being utilized yet. It was at this visit that Jon got to first change Jasper's diaper. I got some great pics, which were totally identical to him first changing Harper's diaper with total concentration. He's so funny.

We were in a wait and see mode, and still felt really good that he was going to pull out of his labored breathing and be discharged soon. I started pumping that night and was so thankful to have a great start even though my milk was days away from coming in. Though, to be honest, I just wanted to be holding him to nurse, and not have that stupid pump. Jon stayed in the hospital with me that night and was an incredible help with getting my pump set up and ready for me. We both got a fair amount of sleep, though he was in the NICU sitting with Jasper a lot of the time.

Daddy taking a self portrait right before coming in to the Operating Room.