Wednesday morning I visited Jasper and he didn't look good. His breathing was still very labored and his color was a bit off. The doctor had made rounds that morning and had ordered another chest x-ray. I am unclear as to why there wasn't one done the day before, but perhaps they were still giving him time to get better on his own without much intervention. I was having an incredibly difficult time being at his bedside, and was recovering from the c-section, so I went to go lay down in my room. Jon was a trooper and stayed with him much of the time. Shortly after I left, they decided to put the c-pap on Jasper. This is the same machine Harper was one where it forces more air into the lungs and it makes it easier for the babies to breathe on their own.
Almost immediately after they put the c-pap on, they got the chest x-rays back and discovered he had a pneumothorax, or a collapsed lung. Finally we had a cause to what all his problems were. Collapsed lungs in newborns do happen, and they're impossible to predict. The likeliest cause for Jasper was a tiny weakened spot on one of his lungs "popped" when he took his first breath out of the womb, causing his lung to collapse. The course of action for each child varies, depending upon the severity. We were told many times they can fix themselves.
After seeing the x-ray, he was immediately taken off the c-pap, as the forced air into the lungs can usually make a situation like his worse. In hopes that he might still "fix" himself, they put him underneath a 100% oxygen washout hood so as not to force any air. They also punctured his chest with a needle to release the pressure that was pressing around his lung, not allowing it to inflate. Jon was there for all of this even though they typically don't allow parents to be present for any type of procedures. He actually got to help hold Japer for part of it, and said that from the time they put the c-pap on initially, to getting the x-ray, to putting him under the hood and puncturing his chest to release the pressure took no longer than 10 minutes. Everything moved very quickly.
When I visited him after this, upon seeing him under the hood, I had a complete meltdown and things had definitely become real. No parent wants to see their child struggling, especially during their first days of life. It was so painful to not be able to hold him or do anything for him. In fact, we were basically told we weren't allowed to touch him because any agitation on his part could make his condition worse. The second two pictures below are so dark because we weren't even supposed to use the flash on the camera. I knew what the doctors and nurses were telling me was the right thing for him, however it went against everything I felt right as a Mommy. I wanted to hold and touch my newborn, and I simply couldn't. It was torture. And selfishly, I just wanted the entire nightmare to go away so we could have the "normal" childbirth experience. It had all become too much, and I was not handling the unexpected very well. Jon was a total rock for me, however, and allowed me to cry as much as I needed to, while providing a very strong shoulder to cry on. I know he was as surprised as I was that things had gone this way, but having traveled down this road before with Harper, and having the benefit of not dealing with crazy hormones and anesthesia side effects like I was, plus just being a really good guy, he was able to handle the craziness much better than his wife.
Jasper was left under the hood for the remainder of the day into the next as they continued to x-ray his chest to monitor his progress.
I continued to pump and try to take it easy. I was already having a much more difficult recovery from this c-section than last, though nothing was really wrong--I was just more sore. I was getting decent sleep, and Jon slept at home with Harper this night. I really missed having him there at night when I had to get up and get my pump things ready, and drop off the milk to the NICU, but I was glad to have Harper sleep in her own bed. She had done great at Nana and Papa's house but it's never the same as when you're at home.
Here is Jasper first thing in the morning. At the time, I was so glad to see his sweet face, but looking back, I can see how bad he looks.
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