The Ugly Side of Pregnancy, Part 2

As this pregnancy has progressed, I've been reminded of a few other reasons as to why pregnancy is not always the beautiful, magical experience for me. To read my first list, click here.

Let me reiterate that I truly love being pregnant most of the time. I think it's truly a miracle, and I am really appreciating this as my last time. That being said, I view this blog as a great scrapbook to look back on and remember many details. And so many things I had forgotten from the first time around, so it's fun to keep a memento of everything - the good, the bad, AND the ugly.


Swelling
I guess it was wishful thinking that I might escape this pregnancy without swelling up like I did with Harper. Up until 29 weeks, I was swell-free. Then, I woke up one morning and *poof* - swollen. I kept wearing all my jewelry like usual, periodically taking my rings off during the day just to make sure I still could. It's quite weird to notice even your bracelet fitting differently. Who ever thinks they'll swell in their wrists? I had achy finger and ankle joints and could feel it in my knees as I walked. Then, just the same way, I woke up one day at exactly 34 weeks and could barely get my wedding rings off, which is the only jewelry I leave on 24/7. I took the same silver band I wore with Harper and slipped it over my left ring finger, wanting to at least wear something. This one fits a bit looser and if it ever needs to be cut off, I won't mind. Most days I'm wearing my Crocs since my other shoes are all too uncomfortable to wear all day, though even my Crocs have started leaving lines on my foot by the time I get home. The part I will definitely be more prepared for this time is to not expect the swelling to go away immediately. I remember with Harper I was so frustrated to still be swollen weeks later. Well... yup, it just takes time.

Greasy Hair
This is a lovely first trimester aspect that I forgot to mention in my first list. As with everything else, it doesn't seem to happen with every woman. When not pregnant, I'm an every other day hair washer. However, it becomes very clear very quickly that I cannot do my usual time-saving routine when pregnant. I get extremely bad build up on the top section of my hair, and it doesn't just go away when you wash it. Clarifying shampoos work somewhat, but I have found that Dawn dishwashing liquid works best. They're not kidding when they say it "cuts grease"! Once I get well into my second trimester, I have found the situation has gotten much better. But so weird!!

Skin Breakouts
This goes hand in hand with the greasy hair. Hormones are all out of whack, causing crazy breakouts at all different times. There is an upside to this, however. In both instances, by the third trimester things have sort of evened out and my skin stays virtually blemish-free.

Getting Huge
This may seem obvious, but it's still nothing you can ever prepare for or get used to. Negotiating around counters, bathing my daughter, not being able to see past my belly as I walk. We have a smaller than average door in our bathroom's linen closet and each morning I notice that the space gets smaller for me to turn sideways through as I get my hair products. Possibly the most shocking thing is that I'm beginning to get too big for even some of my maternity shirts. A few of them used to provide plenty of room, yet as the baby has grown, they've gotten shorter, and no longer reach as long as they should.

Stuffy Nose
I definitely forgot this third trimester cursing. And it's possibly the most annoying because it NEVER goes away. Certain times of day are worse than others, but it seems no amount of saline nose spray clears it up for long. It's always the worst at night, especially laying down to sleep. I can't ever get it cleared up enough for me to breathe normally, and I usually wake realizing I've been sleeping with my mouth open because I'm totally stuffed. What a joy!

I loved the comments last time of those who could relate to some of my ugly reasons. What about this list? Is there anything here that you can relate to?

35w 1d

35 weeks, 1 day

It may not seem like such a big deal, but as a mother of a preemie born via emergency c-section, it's been a goal of mine to get past this number.

Today marks this day. Tomorrow I will be past it.

It's nothing I can quite describe to someone who wasn't intimately involved in our life at the time Harper was born. Certainly all our family and close friends know how important this number is, and walked step by step with us through each up and down of the rollercoaster that was the 10 days of her NICU stay and the following weeks of her life.

It's nothing I can expect someone who wasn't around at that time to understand, and I find it difficult to "defend" myself on why this milestone has been so significant to me. I had such different expectations on how my pregnancy was supposed to go. No one ever dreams their body will fail them, and certainly not when your body is responsible for the growth of another life at the same time. I had dreams of going full-term, trying for an all-natural birth, delivering a perfectly healthy baby that I'd get to take home after a day or two. Instead I found myself at an appointment being asked what time I last ate at, because I'd be having a c-section 8 hours after that time. I had no choice, there was no time, there was no going home to grab some things, or hide under the covers, which is what I really wanted to do. We should have still have 5 weeks left. 5 weeks to get a car seat, finish up her room, go on our hospital tour, go to our birthing classes.

The other aspect I find it very strange to "defend" is the fact that when I tell people how much she weighed, they look puzzled as to why I think she was too small or that she was big enough to not be considered a preemie. I most often hear something like "5lbs 2oz is a good weight! My niece (grandson, friend's baby, whatever) weighed less than that and was considered full-term and was without problems." I'm never quite sure how to respond, but to tell them I'm glad things worked out great for them, and thankfully Harper had a short road to getting to the point of being "caught up". But the fact is that it was a rough start. As the doctor put it, she was basically on a diet, not getting fed, for the last week I was pregnant. She wasn't ready to be born yet and needed some assistance getting started. She had the typical life of a NICU baby, taking 2 steps forward, 1 step back, sending her parents on a crazy emotional roller coaster for the 10 days she was there.

Despite all of this, I try not to dwell on the past. We've been immensely blessed with an incredibly healthy 22 month old sweet baby girl. She made significant strides in her first few months, and her Pediatrician considered her to be caught up to other kids her age by 6 months old. Praise the Lord, she's never had any major illnesses nor has she ever had to be put on antibiotics for anything. We try to never take her for granted and thank God each and every day for the enormous blessing she's been to our lives.

As in life, there are so many unknowns in pregnancy. A mother's mind is never without wonder, anxiety, what-ifs, or worry about the life inside her. Having only my previous experience to draw on, I can definitely say I've had my share of sleepless nights and anxious days with this one. And I'm so incredibly thankful for my ever-patient doctor answering all my questions and being so watchful for any warning signs that might indicate a repeat performance. This pregnancy has been such a glorious reminder of God's faithfulness and promises. Yes, I've felt nervous, yes I've felt anxious, yes I've worried. However I've never doubted God's plans for us and for this baby.

In my human nature, I've wanted to plan and have things go "perfectly" and exactly my way. But by faith, I've trusted that God is infinite in wisdom and that no matter what happens, it will be the "perfect" way. Just as I believe that it was God's perfect plan for Harper to be born early. Yes, I questioned it and didn't understand and still wish I could've had it my way. I feel a bit robbed of an experience I was really looking forward to. Yet through that experience, it was discovered that I had a significant amount of endometriosis that I was never aware of, a medical condition that should have made it very difficult to get pregnant. I had withstood years of terrible pain, not realizing it should've been any different. I would most likely still be silently suffering today, and might not be expecting this amazing baby boy if it hadn't have been for the c-section and the opportunity to remove all of the affected tissue.

So for me, today is a day that I've been looking forward to. And tomorrow is a day I've been anxious to see. Tomorrow is not promised, nor is anything guaranteed. But it's one more day I have to be thankful for and to remember God's faithfulness.

35 Weeks

Well, today's appointment looked a lot like last week's, which is great news! The fluid measured at almost 18 cm, and he was moving all around. I think Jon and I might be in for an active little boy if all the sonograms are any indication.

Our doctor was thrilled with how everything looked, and predicts we'll make it to our c-section date without problem. However we will still be going to all our weekly appointments and checking fluid each time just to be sure.

As we were waiting for the doctor, I realized that we haven't yet packed our bags for the hospital or made lists for all the things we need to prep for Harper. Yikes! I guess that's now at the top of our lists of things to do. There's also some things with my job that need to get worked out, but as with everything else, we've put it in the Lord's hands. And of course, He'll make it happen just as He has designed and planned.

So far, so good!!

Hearts and Snow

A week ago, Dallas experienced the most snow its ever seen in a 24-hour period. The official measurement was 12 1/2 inches. Absolutely crazy in this neck of the woods. It just kept coming and coming. And unlike the snow we got at Christmas, this snow came down in big, huge floating flakes, not the hit-you-in-the-face windblown hard kind of snow. It was absolutely beautiful!! What I found so unusual about this storm was that it never got below freezing, so the main roads never really got bad. Slushy, yes. But on heavily-traveled roads, it really just looked like it had rained. Our street was a very different story, but thankfully we were able to get through it just fine. (I love my car!) Still, a week later, there are still some spots with snow.

Harper had a yucky cough, so we didn't take her out in it. Though she did learn how to say "snow" and yelled it every time she looked outside or we went anywhere. Usually it sounds more like "nnnoooo!", so I kept telling her "ssssssssssnow" which would then lead her to say "sssssssss. nnnoooo!" Such a ham.

Jon stuck a ruler on our patio table and got our "official measurement" in the backyard: 9 1/2 inches.

That was Jon's spot in the driveway, already getting covered again an hour or so after he had left.

I took this picture from my phone in the afternoon.


Jon took this picture the following morning. It may not look like a ton more snow, but it was!!! It snowed all night long.



The snow happened to come right before Valentine's weekend. Since it was on a Sunday, we of course had church and I made sure Harper was wearing all of her things with hearts on them. That night Jon decided that instead of having our Lifehouse as usual, we would take the opportunity to go out as couples to a nice dinner. It was a fun night to drop off the kids to the Lifehouse childcare, then walk a few doors down to an Italian restaurant we like. After dinner, we drove to go visit one of the other couples from our Lifehouse, Robert and Maribeth, who had just welcomed Baby Anna into the world a few days earlier! We brought them a nice Italian dinner from the restaurant and stayed for a short visit. It was getting pretty late by that point, so we trekked on home. So nice to spend the day with friends and getting to know new people!

Here's a few pics from Valentine's Day we snapped before going to dinner.

Jon had these beautiful flowers sent to me at work!

And the next day I was surprised with these being delivered! Chocolate covered strawberries and brownies on a stick. SO yummy!

I had to take another picture of the flowers as they were opening up more. A week later, my roses are finally drooping, but the lilies are just getting started. So beautiful!


And just because - I'm sharing this picture I took of Cadbury Eggs. I had been craving them for a couple weeks but had been unable to find them due to it being too early for Easter. Various people had told me they had seen them, and though I looked everywhere I went, I had no luck in locating any. Then my boss came in and handed me this bag - she had found them!!!! I was SO excited, and it felt like the best day ever. Pregnancy Craving - fulfilled!!

34 Weeks

Today was our 34 week appointment. I've been a bit anxious about this one as it's the marker when I was pregnant with Harper where I had my 3rd trimester ultrasound and discovered that her fluid was a little low. 1 week and 1 day later I was having an emergency c-section. While I know God is in control and I know every pregnancy is different, it's still hard not to compare the two and I've had this milestone in my head, looking forward to getting past it.

However things today looked great! His fluid measured 17cm, which means it is continuing to decrease, but still in a normal range. All the things they check for at this stage were normal. He was very active and showing great movement for all the markers. I remember Harper was asleep and had to be woken up to check her hand movements and things, so I find it very funny that this little guy was completely the opposite.

And the most surprising news (for me!) was that he has turned! He's no longer breech, but is now head down. Yay! I have felt very different movements in there, but I had it in my head that he would continue to be breech until delivery, so I was quite shocked.

I asked the doctor for an estimate on his size and based on the ultrasound measurements, he's about 6 lbs, which is just over average at this stage in the pregnancy. Perhaps the most shocking part is that his head is already measuring the same size as a 39-weeker!!! The doctor had a good time joking that "well, no wonder he flipped -- he's top heavy! He couldn't hold that thing up any more!" Oh, so funny. And scary! Makes me very thankful I'm having a c-section.

Also, I described some of the recent twinges and things, and he said they were most likely contractions. I never experienced any contractions with Harper at all, so I feel like a first time mom in that area. Anticipating that I will go full-term this time, it's a very real possibility that I could actually go into labor. He confirmed that I did happen to start laboring, he wouldn't stop it at this point. Wow! This pregnancy is truly different in every single way.

As we were finishing up the appointment, I mentioned that I'll see him again in two weeks, which would put me at 36 weeks. Sensing my nervousness about passing the 35 week mark, he said, "well, why don't you come in next week and we'll have a look?". I told him that I would be fine, I'd just pay extra attention to movement and things going on, but even I wasn't very convincing to myself. His reply was "Right, okay so we'll see you next week." Relief. I'm SURE everything is going to be just fine, but I truly will feel so much better having total confidence about passing the marker.

22 Months

Harper is now 22 months old. She's continually amazing us each and every day with things she says or remembers. I can't believe how big she is and how quickly time has gone.

We are now semi-potty training. When we're home and it's a usual time she would poop, we offer for her to sit on the potty, which she's usually happy to do. If she goes pee pee she gets a heart sticker. Though since we're not doing it with any regularity or consistency, this rarely happens. If she goes poop, she gets a heart sticker and a ladybug sticker (her favorite). She's done this about 5 times now, so she definitely understands. She is still having a bit of trouble telling us BEFORE she goes, and usually tells us "potty" after her diaper is dirty. But we're working on it. I'm not really willing to dive right in to potty training at this point in life, when things are about to get really hectic with a new baby. But just getting her used to it and familiar is a good start.

She has finally started speaking the words "please" and "thank you" after strictly signing them for so long. Daddy and I view this as a huge deal! Signing has obviously been great for her, but it's so wonderful to hear her say it. Of course, she still signs them AS she says it, which is just too cute.

She has started climbing in and out of bed on her own, though she still doesn't get out when she's not "supposed" to. In the mornings she still waits patiently for one of us to come get her after she wakes up.

She has discovered jumping, and is trying very hard to learn how to do it. She squats down and pops up, but usually only gets one leg in the air. She thinks she's actually jumping, which makes the whole scene just too adorable. I will definitely be getting it on video soon.

She's getting better at her numbers. Tonight we were reading a book that counts on each page, and on the second page she said "two!".

Ever since we moved into her big girl bed, she LOVES story time before going to sleep. What's especially interesting to me is that when we let her choose the story to read, she always chooses an actual story like one of the Max Lucado children's books we have. They're rather long and detailed stories usually, with an awesome message in each one. But such a departure from what she likes to read during the day which are books about animals or counting. We obviously love ending her day with a great message about how God loves her, so we have no problem with it. After her story, it's "Amen!" time, which she says over and over and folds her hands so we don't forget our bedtime prayers. So sweet. She also has been our accountability at the dining table and will call us out if we forgot to pray before we ate. Sometimes we're in the middle of eating, and she'll reach out and grab my hand and say "Amen!" which of course makes us stop to thank God for many blessings.

We're loving this time with our girl, even with the struggles it brings. She's gotten a bit difficult to take just anywhere, and I really have to make sure everything is working in our favor if I take her to run errands with me. If we're close to naptime or a teeny bit grumpy, I won't do it. I'll either wait until Daddy is home to watch her or Daddy can come with us. It's just not worth my sanity to try to push her at this age. I know it's only a phase, and thankfully she's still very good at the grocery store.

6 more weeks of her being an only child makes me realize that life is about to change drastically. I'm hoping to hold on to every moment I can and treasure this time we have together before brother arrives.

New Room!

Last weekend we spent our free time getting the bits and pieces together to finally finish up Harper's new room. Well, her room isn't new, but just about everything in it is. To her at least.

I guess you could say we owe Harper's new room to Papa's love of S0nic. He goes there often and has struck up a few friendships with the car hops including one named Debbie. Way back in October Debbie let Papa know that her daughter had outgrown her furniture, and she wanted to know if we wanted to let Harper have it. For free. We couldn't believe it, but we were about to leave for California, so we made plans to see it when we got back.

When we got there, it was even better than we could have imagined. Debbie had told us it was custom hand-painted furniture made especially for her daughter when she was young. But my goodness! It was absolutely gorgeous. We were so excited to have it, and unbelievably blessed that she wanted to bless Harper with it.

It lived in Nana and Papa's garage for a couple months while we got the guest room cleared out and let the craziness of the holidays pass. We brought it over little by little and stored it in the garage while Jon got it cleaned up and fixed a few little things on it. Our weekends in January were dedicated to finally setting up her room.

We are so happy with how the room has come together. You'll see how the furniture is painted that it goes great with the existing wall color. Nana and Papa gave us their spare Twin XL bed, we were able to find some great sheets and a bedskirt. All that's really left to get is a pink valance and a couple more cute pictures for the walls. I found some at T@rget, but me being a total cheapskate, I want to wait until they go on sale. But they'll be perfect!

I'm ashamed to admit how long we've had this wall decal and have never hung it. But finally, it was the perfect time!

Here is Jon installing her bedrail. She's done great so far on her bed and amazingly stays mostly straight. I think she really loves finally having a pillow, so that helps.

Here is the bed, dresser and shelf we were given. Aren't they cute? Harper still doesn't like using a sheet or a comforter/quilt, so for now she's happy with her plethora of blankies and stuffies around her. Her Dora doll she got for Christmas from Mimi and Poppy has been a favorite lately.

Here is the bookshelf and picket fence coat rack. I'm hoping soon this will be holding lots of ribbons and bows for all her hair. :) Harper still hasn't decided what is going to go on the bookshelf and in her special hidden spot below. For now it's a great place for the video monitor camera and sound machine.

Here's that whole corner of the room. We moved her book case to the slanted wall and will put her rocker next to it so that it's a bit of a "nook" for her to read in.

Another view of just the dresser and shelf. I still need to hang up her Harper name sign, but was waiting until we had her other wall hangings so I would know where to put it.

And here she is on her bed! I should have taken some close up shots of the hand-painting detail, but this is the best I've got. It's truly adorable. Harper absolutely loves it!

We were also given an adorable toy chest, but it still needs to be worked on as it has Debbie's daughter's name painted on the front. :) It will get in there next, along with the kid-sized rocking chair that's been in my family for a few generations. It needed a little TLC in order to keep it in good repair, so that's next on the list too.

All-in-all, we are thrilled with how things just fell into place! We are so thankful for God working out small miracles that have been such a blessing for us and our daughter.

32 Weeks

Today we had our 32 week appointment and yet again, everything looks great!

As usual, we got to see the little bambino and today he was definitely not sleeping. He was very active, moving all about, giving us a good show. The doctor confirmed that he is still breech. I had a thought that maybe he had turned because a few weeks ago he really moved a ton one night. I was thoroughly uncomfortable for a long time, and thought he was making the big move. Signals since then had told me he was still breech, harder kicks down low, softer jabs up high -- and a definite pressure still in my ribs, which is where he likes to hang out. But I was still hopeful! Nope - this kid is happy feet down, which again, doesn't matter since we're having a scheduled c-section.

His fluid measured a 20 today. A little lower than last time, but my doctor said it was a normal fluctuation at this point in the pregnancy. As I said before, our next appointment at 34 weeks will be our true indicator as compared to my pregnancy with Harper. At 34 weeks with her, I measured at 11.

Today I got my information sheet about my scheduled surgery! It's so surreal. I'm officially on the books for March 23rd at 12 noon. We're beginning to make plans for what we'll do with Harper and the dogs while we're in the hospital. Making back up plans just in case we deliver early and the baby is in the NICU. Making back up plans to our back up plans. We have so much more to take care of this time, and so much more experience to use. We're starting to make lists and gather things to pack bags. I can't believe we're 7 weeks (or sooner!) away from meeting our little boy!